As a high school parent, navigating the college application process with your child can be both exciting and overwhelming. There are deadlines to meet, life-changing decisions to make, and emotions run high. In this post, I discuss some insights on how positive communication and structure during this journey a little smoother for both of you.

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Balancing Guidance with Independence

When your student is applying to college, there is a fine line between supporting and taking over. As parents, you want to help but also let them build skills on their own. This isn’t just about getting into a dream college; it’s also about helping your teen grow into a young adult who can take care of themselves.

Set a Weekly Check-In

Teens are hearing it from every adult in their lives: “Have you been thinking about college?” Rather than be another stressful adult in their lives, set a schedule with them. Establish a short once-per-week check-in time, such as Sunday evening, when you will talk together about college planning. That way, there are no surprises about when the college talks are coming.

Short-Term Goals

Teens struggle with big-picture ideas about the future because they are not developmentally ready. Work with them to set short-term goals that pace them through the process.

Example of some great starter goals include:

• Find three colleges that interest you this week so we can talk about them next weekend.
• Meet with your school counselor this week to talk about your college list.
• Find out if you need a letter of recommendation. If yes, pick a teacher and ask them about the letter this week.

Later on, these goals transform into more concrete steps like creating to-do checklists for each college and finalizing the college essay.

Understanding the Emotional Rollercoaster

To students, applying to college feels like the biggest make-or-break moment of their lives. This period can represent deep anxieties and looming uncertainty. Validate their experience with active listening and unwavering support. You can represent the consistency and certainty that they need during this time.

Unsolicited advice and judgment add stress. You may not always agree with your teen, but you can express your valuable opinions without invalidating theirs. You may know more about the real world than they do, but your student knows more about themselves.

You are crucial when your teen experiences setbacks. Rejection feels awful, but we know these moments build resilience. Try to frame these as stepping stones to future success. Remind them that every successful person has faced hurtful rejection at some point.

Cheer Them On!

Victories during the college process represent relief and validation for your student. When they reach milestones and figure out problems on their own, recognize these wins with small celebrations like a favorite meal or a comforting hug. Even though the college process feels like a forest, do not lose sight of the beautiful trees.